"The universe is transformation; our life is what our thoughts make it." -Marcus
An indescribable feeling of welcomed, uncontrolled change is awakening inside of me.
The end of my 20's there was this looming feeling as I approached a new decade. It was not necessarily measured by what I accomplished, rather the terrifying feeling of what it means to be a woman in your 30's - defined by "others". A grown adult with real responsibilities and people that actually rely on me to provide for them. What if I fuck this up? What if I do it wrong? What if I go "crazy" as described by some men? Sheesh, a lot of pressure. My deepest concern at that point was how do I stay the same and preserve what and who I am. At this juncture I felt accepted by "others", which was important.
You see, buried within the paragraph above fully describes a typical 20 something's frame of mind. Worried about what "other" people think. As I am approaching my mid 30's I now realize the importance of self discovery and confidence. Confidence does not come easy for me, but it is seeping out of me day by day and it totally lights my fire! At one point in my life I was terrified of confidence. It was something I envied within others, but definitely was afraid of the outward notion because then I would be fully accountable for my actions. I've spent most of my life hiding behind someone else's rules. Breaking my own rules at one point was never thought of as an option..... NOW I wake up each morning asking myself "what rules will I break today"?
REALLY....
Who the hell are these "other" people? They sure have resided in my conscious mind rent free for over 2 decades. It's time to get the fuck out!
